


Worth It

by angeldean (babyjared)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-07 21:35:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17968490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babyjared/pseuds/angeldean
Summary: Prompt: “Please don’t do this.”





	Worth It

Dean was watching Cas pack his bags, how he folds the blue sweater carefully before placing it inside his suitcase. It’s Dean’s favorite sweater that Cas owns because it brings out his eyes and it’s soft and warm when he lays his head on it. Cas only wears it on Sundays when it’s raining and sometimes when he comes inside he still smells like freshly rained on grass and that cologne Dean bought him for their first anniversary. He had no idea what to get him back then but Dean’s pretty sure he’d die if Cas ever changed his scent. It was Dean’s favorite smell in the whole world when it was mixed with Cas’s skin. 

“Do you want this?” Cas asks as he holds up one of Dean’s old college sweatshirts. Cas wears it to bed every night when it’s too cold for him to sleep shirtless. He makes Dean wear it for the day every time he makes him wash it just so that it smells like him again. 

Dean shakes his head and holds his hand out. “But I’ll wear it,” he says, “Just until you go.”

Cas looks hesitant but he gives it to Dean anyway, and the way his eyes soften and his shoulders sag when Dean puts it on gives Dean hope that he knows he shouldn’t hold on to. He’s packing his socks now, all crazy patterns and colors and Dean can’t help but smile a little when he remembers how sometimes Cas would walk around the house in just his white boxers and mismatched socks. But that smile quickly fades when he hears Cas zipping up his suitcase. His back is to Dean and his heart breaks when he sees Cas’s shoulders start to shake. 

Dean’s up from the bed and moving towards him as quickly as he can and he ignores the way Cas flinches when Dean puts his hand on his shoulder and pulls him in for a hug. Cas fits so perfectly in Dean’s arms, and he’s going to miss the feeling of Cas’s perpetually cold nose pressed against his skin. It hurts to feel tears soak into his shirt but Dean just holds him harder. His own eyes are watering now as Cas’s hands grip Dean’s sweatshirt. 

“Please don’t do this,” Dean whispers into Cas’s hair. He smells like Dean’s soap and his hair is just long enough that it’s starting to get curly. 

Cas sniffs and tries to pull away but Dean grips him desperately. “Dean, please don’t make this any harder than it already is.”

“You don’t have to go,” Dean rushes. “I’ll fix it, I’ll-”

Cas pulls away and takes Dean’s heart with him. “Dean, please. You need to stop. We can’t- this isn’t working and you know it.”

“What?” Dean stops and takes a step back. “No, I don’t know it, Cas.” He feels a sort of rage build up, his heart is breaking and now his head is pounding. “You decided something was wrong. You decided we had to break up. You decided to leave.”

“We talked about this-”

“No, we didn’t!”

Cas clenched his jaw and grabbed his bag. “I’m not doing this.”

Dean watched as Cas gathered his things and made his way out of the bedroom. When he got to the stairs, Dean let out an aggravated groan and ran after Cas, stopping him at the door. Cas gave him one of his signature “I’ll kill you” looks when Dean blocked the door handle with his body and Dean couldn’t stop himself from talking.

“I love that face.” Cas immediately frowned. “And that one too. Cas, I love everything about you. The way you’re grumpy in the morning and take way too much sugar in your coffee. How your hair gets curly when it’s wet and the way you run your hands through it so much it sticks up. I love when you get mad at a hockey game and start cussing at the TV like they can hear you. I love how you hold my hand when we watch movies and how you tuck your cold feet against mine when we go to bed.”

“Dean…”

“I love when you say my name when you first wake up in the morning. How you always make sure I’m there so you can sneak in another five minutes of cuddling.” He stepped closer to Cas and hesitantly grabbed his free hand. “I love the way you smell after you go running. And I-” he chuckles and squeezes Cas’s hand. “I hate when you leave your towels on the bathroom floor. I hate when you go to work and don’t kiss me goodbye. I hate when you fall asleep reading because I don’t get to tell you I love you before you fall asleep.”

Cas’s eyes are wet again and Dean feels his own tear slip down his cheek. “You make me so mad, man.” Cas has long since dropped his bag and Dean reaches up with his other hand to cup his cheek. He wipes Cas’s tear away. “But you make me so damn happy. I’ve never felt happier than when I’m with you, Cas. You have to know that.” Cas nods and Dean lets out a breath. “And I know you’re happy with me. I know it. I can see it in your eyes, even now. Even though you’re pissed at me.”

“Of course I love you. Of course, you make me happy, Dean, but-”

Dean kisses him, just to get him to stop talking for a second. “But I need to work on things. I need to-I need to get my shit together because it’s not fair to you for me to hide you away from the world just because I’m too fucking scared to tell everyone I’m in love with you. That you’re not my damn roommate, you’re my-Cas, you’re everything.”

Cas is full on crying now, and Dean pulls him into another hug. “I’m gonna get over myself, Cas. I’m gonna tell my dad, and-and Sam’ll have my back, I know. I’m gonna tell everyone how much you mean to me, I swear I will, baby.”

“You can’t make that promise-”

“Yes, yes I can.” Dean pulls back and kisses Cas’s cheeks and eyelids, kisses his lips until Cas is cupping his face and kissing him back. “I’m gonna do it. I can’t-I can’t lose you.”

“Dean-” Dean pulls out his phone and sniffs a few times as he types a number into his phone. His hands are shaking, but he looks at Cas and he looks at the bag he’s packed and he hits call. “What are you doing?” Cas asks, worry evident in his voice. 

“Dad? Yeah, uh-I gotta. Dad, I’m-I’m gay.” Dean’s voice cracks on the last word, and he pushes on. “Cas is my boyfriend. And-and I love him.”

Dean doesn’t wait for his Dad to answer, because Cas is kissing him. He hits end call before he lets Cas push him against the door. He’s still crying, but his hands hold Dean’s face and Dean couldn’t be happier. 

“I gotta,” he tries to talk between kisses. “I gotta tell Charlie.” Cas moans and shoves a leg between Dean’s. “And Benny, Cas, I gotta-”

“Not right now.” Cas kisses him until he’s putty in his hands and all Dean can do is part his lips. “Right now I’m going to make love to you.”

His phone is ringing on the ground but all he can think about is Cas and Cas and Cas. He knows everything is going to change, but right now he has what he needs, and he’s not going to let anything get in the way of that.


End file.
